Jeremi McManus is the founder of SF Relationship Coaching and has been working with relationships for over eight years and leading groups and workshops for four.
Thanks for joining us, Jeremi! We know you’re a busy person, what are you working on now?
Currently I’m working on a book that I’m really excited about that focuses on dating and relationships in today’s world. Specifically, I’m hoping to demystify the online and in-person process of meeting and vetting someone, and give men and women concrete steps on how to attract someone amazing.
Tell us a little bit about how you got started? Any bumps in the road?
Lots of bumps! Specifically in my personal life as I spent years online and in the real world in my own dating and relationships trying to understand how the hell it all works. In becoming a Dating and Relationship Coach, I actually started with more of a focus on couples and families about nine years ago. I didn’t realize at the time that that understanding families and the childhood years would give me a real window in understanding some of the places we get stuck in dating and relationships in adulthood. During my graduate program in Counseling Psychology back in 2006 I worked part-time as a bartender. It was awesome because during the day I was learning all of this theory about relationships, and at night I got to witness and be in the crazy dating and relating fishbowl that are the bars and clubs of San Francisco.
The dating world is changing every day. What’s one of the trends that you think has the most potential to bring together more singles?
I’m excited about more activity oriented dating and group dating. One-on-one over dinner or at a coffee shop can be incredibly daunting (I’ve tried it, lots!), but doing something active with a potential and/or with a friend can create a great opportunity to get to know the real person, rather than the ball of nerves we often are on the first date.
Any themes you see coming up that could be ineffective?
Hyper-selectivity. It’s not new, but has definitely been having a negative impact in online dating and is impacting real world dating as well. It’s basically the process of using all the check boxes in the online filters to try to find the “perfect” person through that selection process. Unfortunately what happens instead is we often filter out people who could actually be a great match for us once we meet them, and project a “you’re perfect” fantasy onto the people we do meet that’s impossible for them to live up to.
What can you tell us about the growing market for niche dating sites. Do you see pros and cons? Some people claim that the niche can be cultish. What do you think?
I’m excited about any opportunity that could bring two people together. The cons of course are that the pools of the newer and niche sites can be limited, but anyone who wants to find someone amazing has to do the work that goes along with digging in all of those haystacks.
What are the keys to remember about niche dating? What about online dating in general?
Put yourself out there. Hold lightly to the pictures you see and profiles you read because the person you meet in the real world will be different than you imagined. Decide what your non-negotiable in dating are and try to hold strictly to those only, rather than getting caught up in things you are negotiable about (e.g., She’s not into outdoor activities, or He doesn’t have a graduate degree.)
Any other insights into the current slate of online offerings?
Try one with an open mind and a positive perspective and you will be surprised who you can meet–I certainly have been. Oh, and before I forget, have fun!
Thanks for your time. Good luck in all your endeavors!
Thank Tim, all the best to you too.
